midday thots and happy recollections

tho i long gave up on ever getting our telephone line fixed and secured again i still like to call the phone company. i can call them because they are not real people. its best during peak times, when there are calls piling in a queue. i call to complain. with whatever un-resolvable issue i conceive of that day and work my way thru the call centre pyramid. this is less effective at night. no supervisors. the chain of command is thin. and those bastards know they aren’t being monitored. they’ll actually hang up on you. without fear. i let them get to what they think is the end of a successful call and when they ask if they have resolved my questions and concerns, i tell them no. they then reattempt to care for my issue. when done they ask again i still reply no. i change my tone and alter my problems as quick as they get close to a solution. they move me thru managers and supervisors thru technical support. over to billing. onto complaints. back to billing. then to sales. when they conclude that i will not tell them that they fixed my problem, they ask if they have given me options to resolve it. i maintain a solid, no. some eventually break under the pressure. they are being timed and monitored for customer satisfaction and they are failing miserably with me. they curse me. tell me i am an asshole. ask me what my fucking damage is. then when i know they have said enough. when they are sufficiently agitated. pissed off enough that i know they’ll take this anger home with them along with their termination notice. when they are near breakdown and i can feel the nervous rage in them. palpable thru my staticky line. i hang up on them while they are mid-sentence.

on a related note, tele-marketers are by nature morons and incapable of intelligent thought which does make them easier targets for scorn, their retarded simplicity almost makes their existence forgivable. but smarter people? people with thoughts and feelings of their own? not from a script. why do they call? i have nothing to offer. i give nothing. i do not share. i am not compassionate. i just wait for you to stop talking so i can make what premeditated statement i have prepared as response to their line of questioning. to acknowledge their opinions. to validate their feelings. to change topic to suit what i have need to communicate. don’t call to invite me to something. to your house. to your party. i’m not coming. i’ve stopped playing that game. i’m beyond that. i’m not buying what you’re selling. if you don’t say something within 2 seconds i am hanging up. i know you’ll call back. when you do, i’m not saying hello. see how it feels. better add the word “NO” to your corporate vocabulary. that’s all you’re getting. no i don’t want security. i do not need my ducts clean. you can not talk to the lady of the house. and no you were not speaking to her. she didn’t forget to tell me anything. she didn’t agree to have one of your salespersons come to our home. she doesn’t exist. sometimes i wait for them to come on the line and just hold down the # for five or ten minutes. until they are off the line. other times i tell them no i’m not the one they are asking for but i’ll get them. i tell them to hold the line a moment. i put down the phone and go out to get groceries.